Working out. Strength training. Being in the health and wellness industry for over 20 years, I work with many fitness trainers, athletes, to the average American who is just doing their part to take better care of their body.
Building health. Stronger muscles. Building wealth.
I truly love what I do. Always have. But since I have been writing, this raw hidden truth is seeping out from me.
The real truth is this. I had extremely flabby muscles. Like the saggy kind that you try to hide behind baggy clothes. Or suck it in when you are taking a picture. Pose in a certain way to try hide the droopy flabby looking skin that once used to be rock solid muscle.
My saggy muscles were hidden so deep, that on the outside, everyone thought i was in great shape. When I would even try to tell someone the truth, no one believed me.
Because I hid it so well.
But here’s the real truth. I pretended for years that I didn’t see the flab. But believe me it’s there. I’m not talking just any kind of muscle. I’m talking about a specific muscle.
The most important muscle in the human body.
The F A I T H muscle.
The past four years, watching Derek suffer greatly, with little direction and hope can be a defeating feeling. Day after day, life goes by while your children grow, and you miss out on so many wonderful things. And you are stuck in quick sand. Reaching for anyone or anything to pull you out.
The culture we live in today is one where we have convinced ourselves that we can do and be anything we put our minds to it. Right?
Nothing wrong with this, when it comes to focusing on a specific goal. A great attitude is so key to stay the course. Mindset is incredibly important.
But what happens when you run out of steam? I mean come on. The most positive, driven, motivational people, eventually run out of fuel. Let’s be honest.
I have had a front row seat to watching my husband running this back to back marathon for four years . Horrific symptoms. Every day. Never a break.
When he does try to participate in real life events, on the outside, he may seem OK.
But inside his poor head, a war is going on.
And just for trying to participate, he pays the price later. His head will packed in ice.
Every picture you see him smiling, there are unfortunate consequences in the aftermath.
If I’m going to be completely honest here, you have to know something.
We are not inspirational. Or exceptional. At all.
The only difference is, this. I get up very early every morning and work out. But my workout is unique. You don’t see this in fitness centers. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I drop down to my knees and work on my faith muscle.
A dear friend who has a loved one sick with cancer recently left me a message and said, “Sarah, how do you stay so positive? “And then she went on and answered her own question. ‘Oh, yeah, you are up at 5 am holding onto your bible. That’s how.”
I’m not going to be preachy here. But show you example of what I mean. The snapshot of my personal ‘to do list’over the past few weeks.
If you were to write your list out, I’m sure you would have a similar one.
For our list, it’s how I accomplish things while Derek gets through the horrific symptoms. And I swim against the current through the tsunami of details, and our children continue on with life as if everything is normal, when it’s the furthest thing from it.
Here was my to do list from the past few weeks and I check everything off when I accomplish it.
Pray. Check. Fired old primary doctor. Check. Be a mom. Check. Taxes. Check. Work. Check. Hired new amazing primary doctor. Check. Dinner. Check. Dream of the future with Derek. Check. Conference calls for work. Check. Bills. Check. Endless calls to insurance companies to speed the prior authorization process. Check. Virtual school for Gavin. Check. Appeal the insurance for bills we are left to pay 100%. Pray. Check.Play with granddaughter. Check. More taxes. Check. Write. Check. Research Derek’s condition. Check.Talk directly to head honcho of insurance. Check. Don’t mess with me Mr CEO of insurance. Check. Go into bathroom and scream into a towel. Check. Call Mr. CEO of insurance and tell him I will be his worst nightmare if he doesn’t prior authorize next appt. Check. Doctor appointments. Check. Appeal more bills with insurance.Check. Cuddle with Derek. Check. Write. Check. Pray on my knees. Check.Set up court dates for appeals with insurance companies. Check. Work with Alex. Check. Cry. Check.Got prior authorization passed-Thank you very much. Check. Ice Derek’s head. Check. Meetings for work. Check. Pray some more. Check. Hours of paper work. Check.Pray while I sob. Check. Find a neurologist. Check.
Make a bucket list of the future with Derek. Check. Dream.Check. Laugh. Check.
Dream of our “Little House on the Prairie Life!” CHECK. Hug my hero. Check. Hug my kids. Check. Hug Snickerdoodles. Check.
Appointment with neurologist. Check. Ice Derek’s head. Check.Vent to my prayer warriors. Check.More tests scheduled. Check. MRI’s. Check. Call to check on Whitney. Check. Babysit Scarlett. Check.
Pray Check. Remember that I have to go to the bathroom. Check.
New VEMP test. Check. VEMP test inconclusive. Again -BUMMER!
Overnight-ed all of Derek’s scans and medical records to California to the Ear Clinic. Check. Prayed with postman and cried as he stamped the package. Check. Doctor appointments. Check.Ice Derek’s head. Lead virtual conference meetings. Check. Pray. Check. Answer work emails while I’m on the toilet -(Gross I know). But it’s the only quiet place I have -NO time to waste – Yes I disinfect my phone. Check.Pray more. Check.
Scarlett’s Second Birthday. Big time CHECK.
Love on our sweet granddaughter and children. Check.
To be able to work out like Derek and I do running these back to back marathons, we work most on developing our strongest muscle – the Faith muscle.
Not focus on what we can do. But what GOD CAN DO.
Not think of what we are missing out on, but what we have learned to help others.
Not what we cant control, but focus on the ONE who controls all.
Believe that Derek has permanent damage or
BELIEVE that GOD didn’t create the word permanent- man did.
Angry at the complications of a surgery, or forgiveness for all involved.
The real truth is we are flabby like everyone else. But the beauty is unfolding from this journey. Our faith muscles are being strengthened for the marathon yet to come.
What is the next step?
We wait. For the revealing of Derek’s MRI’s this next week. For the doctor in California to review Derek’s case for another opinion. WE are 1:1. Two specialists. With two very different opinions. We need 2:1 at least to go ahead with a possible list of future surgeries. To rule out any neurological disorders. To speed this up as fast as we can.
For Derek’s symptoms are getting worse.
Any rock that can be picked up, over turned, studied and looked at for Derek is what we are doing.
Our daughter Alex is working on a video to put on social media sharing Derek’s journey. The more eyes that could see this journey. The better. God led us to Florida, to Dr. Li for a reason. And we will not give up hope. E V E R!
I’m working on publishing a series of books to take all we have learned and give all the Glory to God.
Some think I have gone mad after four plus years. That we should accept this. But how can you accept something when every ounce of you knows that this is not the end.
Only the beginning.
Not a day goes by, that Derek along with many other patients don’t suffer every single moment. We all suffer challenges and hardship, this is not to discredit anyone else. But when you are at the bottom and things seem helpless, stop and pray for someone else. Amazing how praying for others, will lift your own spirit up.
And for those of you who pray. Press on with me. Keep Derek on every prayer list you can think of. Flood the heavens with his name. Whisper his name to our heavenly Father.
Add Derek to Facebook. Write him a message. He needs to hear your words of encouragement. He’s almost across the finish line. Cheer him on in victory and give all thanks and praise to GOD.
A huge platform for the world to see has been created for Derek. Miracle time is coming. One way or another, this miracle is unfolding. And we made a promise we intend to keep. God will receive all the GLORY!
Till then, live each day to the fullest. Spend it with the ones you love.
Go work out your most important muscle.Hit the ground on your knees every morning.
I promise you. Your life will never be the same.
Sarah Hein, the Pioneer.