In the early stages of my conversations with God, it was purely painful, exhausting and well, I realized just how stubborn I truly am.
His words, kept whispering to me, “Sarah, I saw you through your past…….and I will see you through this.”
These were the words spoken to me. Yet inside, I was screaming, “I’m sick of being silent. I want my life to back!!! We had worked so hard to overcome, had such a beautiful life, and I was completely broken seeing it ripped from underneath us. I’m ashamed and embarrassed to admit this, but I was REALLY angry at God. I wanted to be the victim, and blame Him. I wanted to say, if you are really GOD… stop all this from happening.
I was sitting in my closet, on the floor, when that ‘But Disease’ truly formed.
But God…. I don’t want to be still. I want to move!
But God… I don’t want to be silent. I want to shout out in anger!
But God…. I don’t want to think about my past. I want the present fixed and sooner than later!
These next several weeks, I along with my whole family, went into a true ‘silent season’ of our life.
August 2014, I was supposed to go to California for a conference. Fighting the decision of going or not, was very difficult. How on earth was I going to be able to leave my family now? They were all dependent on me. The stack of medical bills and every day bills on my desk was a brutal reminder, that I had to keep moving forward, even though I had not one ounce of energy left in me.
Each step I took while boarding onto this plane, was like I was pulling…dragging…. heavy thick chains around my entire body. I hadn’t traveled for several months and I realized this was the first time I had left Derek since everything had happened to him. Like a cherry on top of a rotten sundae, I also left behind my daughters, who were going through their own personal battles.
Once I got to my conference, I felt like I had become a zombie myself. It was like an outer body experience. I was there, but I wasn’t there. My thoughts were on my family, and I realized on that trip, that I was truly at a loss. There was absolutely no direction at all for any of my loved ones back home.
By the 2nd day of the conference, I started to feel sick. I had this pain in my stomach that was so intense, I thought I was going to be sick. Making my way out of the conference, is when I felt like I was going to be sick and even collapse. My body was shutting down. Maybe this is what a nervous breakdown feels like? I felt like all my strengths and abilities were gone.
I was no longer in control of my body.
It was what happened next, that yet another miracle formed. I just didn’t realize it at that moment.
Like a giant magnetic force, different random people came out into the hallways of this huge conference center. People I knew, some I didn’t, and they saw me, in my raw weakness, and ……the next thing I knew… these wonderful people became my angels.
This group of people, came out of nowhere and literally circled me. One of them had a brother who was an amazing chiropractor. He immediately showed up and I had the best adjustment of my life, on a bench at a nearby hallway. Instantly, my pain went away, it was in way like I had just been resuscitated, air returned to my lungs.
This group, wasn’t finished with me. They didn’t leave me. Before I knew it, they took me outside. More joined until it was a group of six. Little did I know, this was the beginning of God’s earthly army for my family.
This was the day, the Prayer Warriors of the Lord formed around my family. A random group of people, that were led by God….. to me.
What I remember most, is they explained to me, that I needed the oxygen mask on me right now, so I could go back to my family. They laid me down in the grass, prayed over me, and made me surrender everything to God. I sobbed, like I had never before, and yet felt an amazing relief. It was as if, I could hear God saying,
“Sarah, I haven’t left you. Just the opposite. It is I, the King of Kings….. that has been carrying you this whole time.’
I allowed people in my life to help me, I knew that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore.
The next day, I was ‘kidnapped’ from my meetings, taken to a spa where I received a massage and the prayers continued, along with…… joy.
Joy was something I had lost in this journey. Laughter started to return to me, smiles, and a heavenly strength returned to me.
Have you ever lived a moment in life, when “IN” that moment, you don’t get it, but looking back, you see things through a whole new perspective?
This was one of those moments. I didn’t realize it then, but looking back…. “WOW”…… is all I can say.
God didn’t just send me any old warriors.
He sent me His best. His finest cavalry is what he sent.
These prayer warriors joined the Hein-y Helpers from back home, and little did I realize, God’s army was now in place.
When I returned home, I was a totally different person. God breathed life back into me and I was ready, to Praise Him in this storm.
I returned to my mess of bills, the sadness in our house was at an all time high. My oldest daughter had moved back home, and my middle daughter was in horrific pain 24/7.
My closet became my ultimate therapy room for myself. It was the one place I would go where no one could see me, I could break down and this was where God and I continued our many conversations.
Daily, multiple times a day, I would go in there and just repeat over and over,” I surrender to you. I’m yours. Show me what to do.”
The oddest thing was, over and over and over again…. I kept thinking I was hearing… “Sarah write.”
However, the ‘But Disease’ was keeping me a prisoner.
But God… this isn’t the time. This is NOT the time.
But God… I don’t even know where to begin or how to write. I’m a horrible speller. Lord, don’t you remember my past?
Every single day, my warriors called, texted, and made God’s presence known in my life. God had sent me the most relentless warriors. Some days, I wanted to get angry at them. Just leave me be. They kept sending me more books to read, more devotionals and every morning, I continued to get up super early, before everyone else and give my FIRST THOUGHTS to GOD. I worshiped HIM in the morning.
I prayed over everything.
Our business, our health, our brokenness…. But I also prayed for others. I found healing in helping others through our business, through building health, and I was becoming a slave no more. I was finding a freedom from the chains of slavery and pain.
My own pain, was being replaced with GRATITUDE. I started thanking God for all that I had. I knew so many had it so much worse. I was really being selfish to think my family had it the hardest.
Then, one night, when I was in my closet, sitting on the floor, my phone rang. That phone call, led to the encounter of a couple that I hadn’t seen for a few years. It was the most random call ever.
That call, led me, along with Derek, to their house. That conversation, led me to another miracle.
Where God was saying,
“Sarah, you finally surrendered. It’s about time. Let me take over.”
God took over. He used that couple to help Derek and I in away, that I will never EVER forget. In that conversation, they encouraged me what God had been whispering to me to do for a long time.
“Sarah… WRITE. You will never write like you will right now. WRITE.”
Driving home, that day, Derek and I made the decision, that it was time, I needed to start writing.
So, in my mind, I thought, I will write for one month. Get it all out and then move on.
Sept 12th, 2014, I started writing. I moved a little desk into my bedroom, and I started to write.
When I wasn’t writing, I was running Derek and Whitney to therapy and Alex to Doctor appointments. My office for work was out of bag and I just worked when they were in appointments. Some days, I had as many as 2 or 3 therapy appointments in completely different cities over 1 -2 hours away.
On my ‘off time’, I kept my foot in the door with as many people as possible to get Derek’s implant out, and when I wasn’t doing that, I just wrote.
All this while, God’s army was ahead of me. Plowing the way. Every single day, I could feel their prayers, calls, texts, emails. Their relentless heavenly strength…. was hooked up to me like an IV. When I started to slip backwards, they breathed air into my lungs through their prayers.
By the end of September, I finally found a surgeon, willing to operate on Derek. We were now in deep prayer and circling around Derek for his miracle to restore his life. The prayer warriors, flew one of the warriors out to help take care of my family. God knew, I was tired, and He sent in reinforcements.
Oct 22nd, 2014 Derek’s implant was removed.
I finally posted for the first time on facebook, for people to pray for Derek. That was very hard for me to do. But my prayer warrior sat there next to me, the entire surgery and said, “Its time Sarah. WRITE.”
The response was overwhelming.
People were now praying for Derek in other countries. It gives me goosebumps to write this.
Derek’s surgery was a success on the removal of the implant. As we waited for him to wake up…. Anxious that he wouldn’t be worse as the Mayo Clinic had anticipated, Derek woke up…..
Another miracle. He wasn’t worse.
The one thing I insisted, was I wanted the implant. I know it sounds weird, but I needed to see what had changed his life…our lives…. so much.
What I couldn’t believe was how tiny it was, like a little seed. I took a picture of the implant in my wedding ring, to show how something so small, could have changed so much.
Immediately, I thought of the ‘mustard seed’ in the bible. That implant, was the seed in all our lives. That seed, though I didn’t realize it yet, was a seed of change in our life. Not the change we ever wanted…. This is what I call….a divine change.
When Derek was released from the hospital, I knew then, in my heart, that though some of the symptoms were a little bit better, the “metallic raw feeling” had left, Derek was still not right.
Give it time is what everyone was telling me.
Days turned to weeks. Weeks to months.
Christmas was upon us. Two years had now gone by. Derek was better than two years ago, but nowhere near where he should be. Not even close. The implant was out. But…… now what?
That stupid ‘But disease’ crept back in.
Derek went back for more therapy. Nothing. Derek tried to work and get back to life, but it was a painful struggle every day to deal with his symptoms. People around the world wanted to know, ‘how is Derek?’
But when you have a ‘broken record’ situation, repeating the same thing over and over again, there was nothing to write.
So, I kept writing in my room, words pouring out. 100 pages, 200 pages, 300 pages. I just kept writing. After three months of writing, I realized that the ‘one month’ of writing went out the door big time. I knew by the close of 2014……… I had only begun to write.
By Jan 2015, Derek and I had decided that, though we couldn’t change our situation, we both had something called free will. We could choose to become bitter or better.
We both again, surrendered. Are you seeing a pattern?
“But disease”…. SURRENDER…. “But disease” ….. SURRENDER!
We decided, that none of our material things mattered. We were willing to let go of everything if that’s what was meant to be. “Things” are not what makes us happy. So we decided to put up our house, farm and everything for sale. See exactly where God wanted us to be.
Derek was willing to sell it all, so I could write.
I was willing to sell it all, so we would have money to help Derek.
We were BOTH WILLING, to just TRUST in the DIVINE PLAN even though we didn’t know the outcome.
If things sold, great. If things didn’t sell, great.
Our ‘but disease’ had turned around to ‘WHAT IF”?
What if I kept writing?
What if we kept looking for continued help for Derek?
What if we kept working our business that was right in front of us?
Around this time, we also found a new amazing Doctor that became Derek and Whitney’s overall primary physician. She also became an angel. What we had been missing for so long, was someone to really oversee Derek’s and Whitney’s case,she was now in our lives. This Doctor was amazing. All Doctors now reported to her and let me tell you, she stayed on top of it. Finding this doctor took a tremendous pressure off of me. She became another beautiful piece to the masterpiece of God’s plan.
Then March 15th, 2015 happened! It was a turning point in our life.
This day, will forever remind us that God does bless the faithful and His blessings will super exceed any and all expectations if you surrender your life to him.
This was the day…..that our first grandchild was born. Scarlett Elizabeth Hein was brought into this world. She is and will always be our miracle baby. God gave our daughter, in the darkest days of her life, the strength…… to choose LIFE.
Our daughter became a true hero.
What an incredible privilege to have a front row seat to this miracle. This tiny little baby, is what brought our family real JOY again in our life.
My sweet Whitney this whole time, a junior in high school, struggled every single day with pain. But by March, her therapy was really helping, and between her pain growing less and less every day, sweet little Scarlett, also brought her Aunt Whitney real joy into her heart again.
Our son Gavin, who was really fending for himself, became at age 12, the best Uncle ever. At the same time an amazing big brother to his sisters who had endured so much. He pushed through and pulled through some tough days himself, watching all the people he loved suffer so greatly.
My relentless prayer warriors by now, had continued to protect our family in prayer. Though all things weren’t fixed, a new light was being shed on our family. An outpouring of love from the deepest level of friendships, my 3 brothers and sister in laws, Derek’s family, literally showered Scarlett with all the necessities she would need in the beginning of her life. The old saying…. ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ had a new meaning to me.
God simply provided.
By now…when the ‘But Disease’ would return, I would shout out to the devil,
“GO BACK TO HELL, YOU ARE NOT WELCOMED HERE! JESUS ALREADY KICKED YOUR BUTT, SO TAKE THE ‘BUT DISEASE’ WITH YOU TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG!”
All I can say, is thank GOD I live in the country, I’m sure I would have had the police called on me multiple times that some crazy insane woman was shouting out things again.
Summer was upon us. I wrote. Worked our business and our completely FULL house was filled to the brim with love.
It was hard to believe, that Derek was still the same. 2 ½ years now.
Since we had both completely valued a healthy lifestyle with our wellness business of 20 years, Derek had regained the weight he had lost, and on the outside, he looked… well….. to me…. he looked HOT.
To all of you… healthy.
But yet, inside… his poor head, continued to make Derek feel absolutely miserable.
So, we continued to look for more answers.
An ENT that had taken a CT scan of Derek and thought that a sinus surgery to clean out what I call “damage after the tsunami”… the aftermath from 3 surgeries, would really relieve him.
He really wanted to help Derek. Not that I wanted another surgery for him. Not at all, but Derek was so inflamed from the 3 surgeries with scar tissue, that it did make sense.
June 22st, 2015, Derek had another surgery to remove scar tissue and sinus surgery. Of course, with Derek’s awesome luck, his nose broke right after surgery and I was warned how he looked after the surgery.
It took Derek a really long time to recover from this surgery. He was rough. His headaches were better, but to be honest….Not a whole lot had changed.
If it wasn’t for the flexibility of our business, miracle blessings that would just ‘show up’, we would have lost everything.
But instead, God is providing just enough for us to squeak by. Every time and I mean every time, I didn’t know how to make it through…..
God always… ‘surprises me.’
There are so many details I’m leaving out. It’s why I’m writing a whole series, but one day, it WILL be revealed.
The offer on our house fell through, along with the farm.
Funny thing is… It didn’t even phase us one bit. I was grateful. There is no way, I could have moved this farm the way Derek is.
We were finding true JOY in this storm. Our lives at this point had hardly any direction and it was ironic, how happy we were becoming.
Simply trusting …..
All I could think was, well, God is telling us exactly what HE wants. God wants us on this farm. He’s cooking up some big plans.
We can’t wait to see what He has cooking!
I had learned the brutal lesson from my past. Life isn’t about our agenda. It’s about God’s.
Somehow over the past 20 years, I had lost sight of God’s agenda.
Hard to believe…. I am now 600 document pages in my writing and have the idea of over 9 books. The seed got planted of change in our lives, and though I’m about as bull headed as they come….
The seed was FINALLY sprouting in me!
I’m remaining faithful…. Though I don’t understand any of this.
By Sept 2015, the doctors were at a loss for Derek. Calling him a ‘neurology patient’ now, Derek was labeled as a ‘vestibular migraine’ case. But in all the studying I have done, Derek doesn’t match the description at all to me. I know I’m not a doctor.
However…. I do know this man. I see firsthand what has happened to him. Something ISN’T right!
The neurologist they wanted Derek to go and see, was booked till mid February 2016.
Derek was becoming forgotten in the medical world.
Derek, who had fought for so long, was beyond tired. I knew that I had to continue to press forward to find him help, because his spirit after almost 3 years, was beginning to dim.
Derek has been denied by disability, can hardly work at all, and is unable to perform a whole ‘normal’ day. It really depends on the conditions how long Derek can handle something. Being his wife, I know all the warning signals. He can last for only so long, until he literally has to go lay down because his head feels like it’s about to explode with pressure, dizziness and horrible sound sensitivity.
Throughout this, our relentless prayer warriors, friends and family continued this journey with us. Never once, did they give up on praying for my family. They continued to pray and so did I.
A few weeks ago… I was sitting in my office, literally on the verge of tears….
What is the next step for Derek?
That was the problem, there wasn’t a ‘next step’!
There was no HOPE for him. That’s a crappy place to be.
I kid you not….. as I was sitting at my office desk… with absolutely no direction…..fighting back tears…. At that very moment… my computer made a ‘ding’ sound. An email came into my inbox.
I received a random email from the Carrick Brain Center in Atlanta that I had taken him to back in 2013. Another facility open in Dallas Texas called: Cerebrum Health Centers, A National Institute for Brain Treatment……
inspired by the irony that this email came to me at this very moment….. I decided to act on it.
Immediately I called, and by the next day, I had Derek accepted in the program. I knew, without a doubt, that this was EXACTLY where Derek needed to go. Though insurance denied to cover it, I figured ‘what’s new’?
I’m so used to medical bills…that to me… is just old news.
The joke to myself is…. the company I’m partnered with, pays for my car.
Worse case scenario… we can live out of our car. Hey, it’s a really cool car and has a sunroof. Believe me, I have lived out of worse places!
I will just keep selling more stuff. Who really cares about all this stuff!
I don’t take any of this with me in my coffin when I die.
Our kids, who are amazing…. Took over the responsibility of everything back home, and within a week, we packed our backs, and drove to Texas……..
To Be Continued!